The week that just passed was horrible... HORRIBLE!
What happened in the office was just beyond my threshold of tolerance.
She lied again and again... to justify her decisions...
I simply had no mood to work.
I wish I can stay out of the picture. But what she did was really unethical and intolerable, from the way I see it. Can I just keep quiet anymore?
On the other hand, I was upset with myself as well, for not being able to rise up and do what I think I ought to do.
e.g.
- speak words of encouragement to colleagues
- don't judge, leave it to God
- submit to leadership
I was battling with many thoughts on "what should I do?" and it made me feeling tired, defeated and helpless. I told God, I don't know how to cry nor pray anymore cos I'm really sick of all these. I wanted to just leave the company. But at the same time, I'm worried of my future.
During cell group yesterday, I finally broke down and cried my lungs out. God came, comforted me, and assured me of His love. He wanted me to know that I don't have to bow down to people, expectations, situations. I only bow my knees at the cross.
At The Cross (Hillsong)
Oh Lord You've searched me,
You know my way;
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There's no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?
You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me;
I know You love me.
And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
You tore the veil,
You made a way
When You said that it is done.
God is a good God. Even if I'm going to lose my job tomorrow, so what?
I know I've been relying too much on myself, on my ability and my knowledge. Hence, I'm worried of what's going to happen because any changes will affect ME.
"What am I going to do?"
"What will others think of me?"
"How do I tell my parents?"
"What if I have to accept a huge pay cut in my next job?"
It's all about me, myself and me, myself... This is too inward-looking. Where is God?
I need to learn to rely on God, and Him alone. Rely on His grace and His provision, Rely on His promises for me, that "He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future."
To live in freedom means I don't live my life according to all the 'what if's that MIGHT really happen, nor the expectations of people including myself; BUT to live knowing that I have in a constant God who is just and faithful. So, why worry?
Labels: workplace-related woes